It's official...today is my first day on my new job....as a "stay at home mom!" Yesterday was my last day at work! It has been a ROLLER COASTER making this decision, and it has been months in the making. Since I had to go back to work in September, I have been SO uneasy about taking Libby Kate to daycare. It was pure torture to drop her off at 14 weeks old, and it didn't any better, 3 months later. I knew I had it pretty good for a working mom - my schedule had me in the office three days a week, and working from home one day. I had saved all of my PTO for the year and used it all after my maternity leave was up, so that every week I was either on vacation, or just in the office two days, off one day, work from home one day. So, between September when I went back and the end of the year, I was only in the office at most two days a week.
During lunch breaks, I would go across the street to Libby Kate's daycare to feed her, rock her, play with her, etc. But it was still just hard. One day, maybe her second week there, I walked in and found her laying on the mat on the floor, face down, screaming her head off. She was the youngest one in the room, and yet no one was picking her up! The teacher kind of shrugged her shoulders when I walked in and told me "she just likes to scream!" I was livid. I was SO upset, I just couldn't even imagine leaving her there to go back to work. I scooped her up, fed her, rocked her, and put her down for a nap before I left to go back to work. I only lasted at work about an hour before I left for the day to go get her. At that point, my goal was to just make it through the end of the year, so I could earn a few more paychecks since I wasn't in the office much anyway.
October and November were HARD. She was sick a lot...colds, croup, ear infections, two tummy bugs. A five month old with a tummy bug is just pitiful...a five month old with a SECOND tummy bug AND croup, just two weeks later, is the end all! After the second tummy bug, that I ended up with as well, we pulled her out all together. I worked from home, took extra days off, and my mom watched her the last day I went in. Terrible timing, because that last day was just a week after her last surgery. My dad was there to help her, but ultimately she ended up changing the diapers...and Libby Kate still had horrible diarrhea, that must have been from the tummy bug the week before, because the next night my mom had the tummy bug as well! It was so bad, and she was so sick, that they had to call 911 since she was just post op. I felt absolutely horrible.
Before I all out quit, I asked for a full work from home position. I did so much reporting, that there was really no reason I couldn't do it all from home. I worked from home a TON anyway. I was denied that option though, and denied an hourly, part time option from home as well. We thought about it a little, but it was just not going to work for me to keep working. It was so hard getting out the door in the morning, Brian was constantly running way late to work, getting home in the evening was just chaos. Everyone was overly tired, Meredith was cranky, Libby Kate still wakes up at least three times a night, so I wasn't getting any sleep. Working three days a week sounds so easy! But I just couldn't keep up and keep everyone happy!
I am so excited to start this new life for us! I have visions of a clean house, home cooked meals, and darling children reading books and going to bed early! Ha! Seriously though, we have prayed about this decision for MONTHS. I have been so afraid that I was looking for the answer I wanted from God, not the one He was giving me, but I am confident I am supposed to be staying home with these girls now, and I'm so thankful for that!
